just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
