You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
