I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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