I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
