I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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