Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
