I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
