i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
