**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
