In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
