I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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