I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
