Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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