dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
