I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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