She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
