Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
