Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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