Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
