I heard we made out
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
