um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's great music for shaving your balls
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
