I must be too annoying 4 u.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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