you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
