the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
