wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
