if you like me you must not know who I am
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
