So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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