you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
