I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
