So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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