I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
