I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
