Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
