And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
