On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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