i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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