i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
