"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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