I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
