??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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