you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
