Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
