i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
