I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
