u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I touched a dick in church today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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