We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
