I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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