Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
