Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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