i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize